More George Ong Jokes!!

A psychotherapist who set up an office was seeing less and less customers by the day because of increasing competition. His friend advised him to turn things around, he’d better advertise. So, he engaged an advertising expert to design and put up a simple sign on the top of the front door. But despite the advertising, there was no turn around. In fact, business plummeted further. He also noticed that on many occasions, a number of women will approach his office, but suddenly turn and run away. So, he decided to take a look at the sign which the man had written to see if there was anything wrong with him. To his horror, the notice read, “Psycho the Rapist”.

A widow, Christine, spoke to her friend Jude. “When my hubby was alive, he really loved me. Just before he died, he called me to his bedside and handed me three envelopes. He said, ‘I’ve put all my last wishes in the three envelopes. After I’m dead, I want you to open them and follow the instructions. Then I shall be able to rest in peace.’”

“So what was in them?” asked Jude.

Christine went on. “Then first envelope contained 6,000 along with a note saying ‘Please use this money to buy a nice casket.’ So I did, and I know my hubby is resting comfortably. The second contained 12,000 with a note saying “Please use this for a nice funeral.” So I did, and my hubby had the most wonderful funeral. The third envelope contained 35,000 with a note saying ‘Please use this to buy a nice stone.”

Christine held out her hand and pointed to a huge diamond ring. “You like my stone?”

“Were there any orders while I was out for lunch?” the jewellery shop owner asked his new manager from China.

“Only one,” she replied. “Four men ordered me to put up my hands while they took the safe.”

Wife: My husband talks in his sleep.

Doctor: Don’t worry. I’ll give him medicine that will cure that.

Wife: Please don’t. That’s the only time he talks to me.

She was studying birth and death statistics. Suddenly, she turned to a man near her and said, ‘Do you know that every time I breathe, a man dies?’

“There’s a remedy, though,’ he retorted. ‘Have you ever tried toothpaste or breath mints?’

A judge hearing a divorce case asked the wife:

“What grounds do you have, madam?”

“About two acres.”

“No, I don’t think you quite understand me. Let me rephrase the question. Do you have a grudge?”

“No, just a parking space.”

“I’ll try again. Does your husband beat you up?”

“No, I always get up at least an hour before he does.”

The judge could see he was getting nowhere. “Madam, are you sure you want a divorce?”

“I’m not the one who wants a divorce. My husband wants it because he claims we can’t communicate.”

~Stay tuned for more!!~